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kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, best jokes
There were two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school and were both virgins and enjoyed losing their virginity with each other in 10th grade.

They agreed to be faithful to each other and spend anytime they could together. So what she did was this:


She took sucking her

"Dear Mom and Dad, having a great time at college,

A masked man walks into a sperm bank, points a gun at the woman behind the counter and shouts, "Open the safe!"





The woman, now terrified, opens the safe.

best jokes ever

To the citizens of the United States of America:

In light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Rt. Hon. Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Then look up "aluminium" . Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.



2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen, but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American football. There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American football is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

Thank you for your cooperation.


Funnier

A Dutchman, a German and a Belgian are planning to walk in the desert.
The Dutchman says: "I'll bring an umbrella for the shade when it gets too hot."

The German says: "I'll bring some sunglasses. This sun can really destroy your eyes!"

The Belgian remains silent.

Next day, the Dutchman and the German are astonished. "What's that?" they both shout.

The Belgian answers: "It's a car door. Now I can open the window when it gets hot..."